Make no mistake; having a child in a relationship will be one of the hardest things any two people will have to deal with. For the women, their whole world is turned upside down and inside out while her body goes through changes - some of which will be permanent (like stretch marks and changes in body shape). Emotionally it is a rollercoaster as well. All the hormones of pregnancy and after a baby is born have a marked impact on even a mother's thinking.
Where the woman may have been very devoted as just a partner before baby, she will also be devoted to caring for a child. There will be less time for couples, less time for the father. It can be extremely difficult; fathers thinking their partners no longer love them as much, mothers feeling the same with changes to body etc, add in sleep deprivation, mix in the feelings of being completely helpless at times when baby cries and can not be consoled.
If the baby gets sick, then things can (will) be even more stressful. The reality is that two people create a little wonder, a little marvel that they bring into the world, often at times blind. Blind to exactly how they will feel and the changes that will happen to their lives after the little bundle of joy arrives. Sex between couples varies with pregnancy and after the birth - for some there are no real changes. For most there are marked changes with sex often being very different from when first falling pregnant or soon thereafter. It is common for one or both partners to have different feelings during pregnancy some find the changing shape attractive; women or men may have no desire for sexual intimacy. Men very frequently see their partner with a belly, knowing that is their unborn child in there and can't have sex. It isn't because they don't want her anymore; often it can be treating the body as a temple sort of thing. The phrase of not wanting to "poke baby in the head" although technically not true is still repeated and the way partners may feel. Jealousy and resentment may often rear their ugly heads. If a woman breastfeeds her partner may feel left out of an important part of his baby's life. The woman at the same time may resent having to do everything for her baby at times and feel like she needs more help.
Life will never be the same as it was ever again. In amongst the strain, feelings of inadequacy and less love for each other there is still this amazing little being. The number of times I have felt physically and emotionally exhausted, then when this little baby gives the biggest smile – just because he can see you, the feelings that wash over you are truly beyond words. It can and is still the most amazing thing I have and will ever accomplish – helping to create and grow three children of my own. If I won a Nobel Prize I would still say giving life to my children was greater. Despite all the heartache and difficulties, they are my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is like a lot of things in life. Having a baby means hard work and sacrifices. Two people can manage to get through it a lot easier if they can talk to each other, listen to each other and respect each other and the way they feel.
